3 tips for writing your wedding vows that’ll help right now
- Meg Senior
- May 16
- 4 min read
If you’re wondering how to write your own wedding vows, these three steps will help you get out of blank page panic and into your flow.
As a wedding celebrant, I’ve seen couples time and time again worry about how to write their wedding vows, when really, it doesn’t have to be a stressful endeavour. If you can believe it, it can even be fun!
Personalised vows can be a beautiful and meaningful part of not only your wedding ceremony, but the run-up to it too, if you can just figure out how to write them.
Here’s the three things I recommend you do to not only get started on writing your own wedding vows, but absolutely nailing them too…
Stop googling how to write your own wedding vows
(and Bing, DuckDuckGo, or any other search engine – I see you trying to get around this on a technicality, good try.)
This might seem highly ironic because you may well have landed here by googling it – hello! – but the best idea if you’re struggling to get started with writing your own vows is to stop sending yourself into a scrollhole. You could spend potentially limitless time googling it, and with SO much information out there it just becomes overwhelming, which isn’t helping anyone.
Plus, vows are such personalised words that generic online advice isn’t going to help. Even the old trick of “search term + Reddit” to find actually decent, real life answers can only get you so far with vow writing, because someone else’s vows are never going to be perfect for you; and vice versa.
Take your finger off the keypad, and take the weight off your shoulders.
Conquer blank page syndrome
Blank Page Syndrome is another enemy of writing your own vows – that feeling of staring at a blank page with the cursor blinking back at you, or the pen tapping in your hand and no words to show for it, is a flow KILLER. So, how do we conquer it?
The answer is pretty simple: just get WRITING. Sure your finished, polished vows might not immediately appear, but starting to jot something down helps your brain get over the mental hurdle of starting.
Why not start with…
Things you love about your partner
Values that are important to you
Words you want to avoid
The tone you want to go for (funny or sincere, soppy or not)
Remember that writing your own vows should be from the heart
Yep, even if you're not soppy or sentimental. It doesn’t have to be a mushfest, but it is a personal thing. You know this, otherwise you wouldn’t be googling "how to write your own vows" in the first place.
Maybe you want to write your own vows because you want to make promises that feel relevant, rather than reeling off words that don’t feel very "you". Or maybe you want to write your own vows because you and your partner have loads of in-jokes that you want to include.
So much of our previous experience with writing is as something that has to be marked or reviewed, but your vows aren’t something it’s possible to get full marks on.
With that in mind, here’s a permission slip: You don't have to create poetry, just write words that sound like you would say them. They don't have to be great works of literature. If you write from the heart you'll end up with vows which are perfect for you.
And if writing from the heart sounds too cheesy for you, you can think of it as writing the truth / writing about real life / writing as you speak when you're super happy. Stop stressing, because you can't get this wrong. There are no marks or grades!
Enter: My vow writing guide for couples
Look, it’d be remiss of me to talk about how to write your own wedding vows and not mention the vow writing guide I’ve created especially for brilliant couples like you.
It’s an instant download guide where you can watch a video of me, a trained wedding celebrant with bucketloads of experience helping couples write their own vows, taking you through the process step-by-step.
Alongside the video there’s a thirty page workbook, clarifying questions for you as a couple, prompts for solo reflection, templates, and sentence starters, as well as layout examples and real-life vows to use as inspiration. Essentially, you get the best of both worlds, where you get to write your own vows but you have someone helping you at every stage.
No overwhelm, no blank page. Vows? Completed ‘em mate!
Bonus tip: make it into a date night
Another reason my guide is the perfect solution to the question of how to write your own wedding vows is because it makes it an experience, rather than a chore. All the rest of the wedding planning has been about organising the party, so why not make this little bit about your relationship, and make it an extra-special date night to boot?
Whenever you decide to write your vows, you don’t need tons of time. Whether it’s the month before, or the week before your wedding, it’s all good. Even if it’s the NIGHT before the wedding (perfectionists and procrastinators, I see you) then I’ve still got you covered. Perhaps you haven’t got time together to delve into some of the questions I suggest for you as a couple… but you will get all the help you need to write your own wedding vows. Don’t be daunted, you’ve got this!
Need help with how to write your wedding vows? Get your step-by-step guide and accompanying workshop here, and you can get started straight away.
Thank you to Kamila Nowak Photography for taking these gorgeous images of Wesley and Alice at Thicket Priory.
